Life Skills, Teen, Young Adult

A New Year of Adulting Part 1: 10 Ways to Release Stress|Things to Do Before You’re 18 #adulting #2018Resolution

“I don’t wanna grow up ’cause I’m a Toys R Us Kid!” chimed the TV as I wasted away the Saturdays of my childhood watching cartoons with my brothers in front of the flickering magic screen. I had no idea what I was missing out on by not spending more time reading.

Books can really help us grow up. I learned much of how to live on my own while attending college and later about being a mother from reading books as a teen.

Some of the first real full-length chapter books I read were the classic Anne of Green Gables series. I fell in love with Anne’s life in Avonlea, where the roads were red and walking or taking a carriage ride were the common ways to travel.

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With each book in the series, Anne grew from an insecure, precocious tween to a college graduate (unusual for a woman of her time), to a happily married adult with half-a-dozen children.

Anne learned all the life skills she needed to know from her adoptive mother, Marilla. This fundamental knowledge was passed from adult to child.

Though we live in the age of information and globalization, the method of transferring knowledge is no different. Yet, it seems like we, as parents, have less time and know-how ourselves on how to help our children launch.

So, this has motivated me to search, to learn myself, what does a teen need to learn before turning 18.

In previous posts, I’ve shared these resources:

10 Must Have Books for Teen Girls

The Ultimate Teen Guide Vol. 1: Social Graces

The Ultimate Teen Guide Vol. 2: Kitchen Essentials

With the start of 2018, it’s back to schoolwork, chores, and responsibilities that cannot be ignored by our teens. Which means stress! Now more than ever, teen anxiety has been on the rise. Maybe life since the times of Anne of Green Gables has quickened at the pace of the high-speed Internet.

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My teen daughter and I both have utilized the following methods to deal with the anxiety that accompanies stress.

10 Ways to Cope With Stress

  • Listen to instrumental music or play an easy instrument like the ukulele
  • Consider getting a pet dog, cat, or fish for your teen’s room and open the blinds for letting in the sun and watching birds outside
  • Think of at least three things daily that you are thankful for (Ann Voscamp’s blog has free resources on living a life of gratitude)

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  • Explore a park or nature preserve with many shade trees—something about trees calms our nerves

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  • Try “star-breathing,” which means take a deep breath in and draw a line down each finger slowly as you breathe out. It really helps! 
  • Pray—talk to Jesus, your best friend beside you and/or journal your feelings
  • Sing an uplifting song
  • Meditate on a Bible verse you know by heart or think about an inspiring quote you’ve read or heard
  • Read a classic book you love (like Anne of Green Gables!)

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  • Rest in a quiet, comfortable spot until you feel less stressed

This year, let’s resolve to make time for our teens and teach them what they need to know to grow into successful adults.

My son on the autism spectrum will be turning 13 this year, so I will also to be sharing more resources specifically for teen boys, coming soon!

 

 

 

 

Blog, Life Skills, Teen, Young Adult

The Ultimate Teen Guide Vol. 1: Social Graces|Things to Do Before You’re 18 #Adulting

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By the time a teen turns eighteen, what sort of things should she know in the world of #adulting? Making a great score on the SAT’s is all fine and good for getting into college, but what about real life skills? We want to give our teens roots, but also wings that they may fly to new heights in their next stage of life called adulthood.

Interpersonal skills are a gift that some naturally possess and others have to learn or constantly suffer the consequences for committing embarrassing social faux pas. As an adult, this skill will translate into pragmatics, networking, or building relational capital.

Unwritten rules of our society are not easily deciphered, but here’s some tips I’ve learned that I’m passing along to my own teen. And going to parties is a great way to learn to apply social graces.

18 Things to Share When Teaching Teens Social Graces

  • When you receive an invitation, RSVP by the deadline. If you cannot attend, try to refrain from saying a plain “no,” but politely reply with the other plans you had made.
  • When you go to a party, stay at least 30 minutes. It’s considered rude to show up for snacks and then leave before making any real conversations with other guests.
  • At a larger get-together, try to talk to at least three different groups of people.
  • Whether at a birthday, wedding, or graduation party, it’s important to know how to speak and act as to not offend others. There are many rules when it comes to learning social graces. If you do end up saying the wrong thing, it’s best to simply apologize. Most people are sympathetic and forgiving.
  • A simple rule for introductions is to remember The “Six S’s”:

1. Smile.

2. See their eyes (make eye contact).

3. Say, “Hi.”

4. Shake hands.

5.  Say, “My name is            . What’s your name?”

6. Say, “Nice to meet you, Mr./Mrs.            .”  

  • Try not to look insecure, even you feel like the simple country mouse visiting the extravagant city mouse. Give affirming smiles to others and add to conversations.
  • As a last resort, if it’s difficult to join in other ongoing conversations, try standing in a line of people, like the bathroom line or the buffet line. Strike up a conversation with others who are also waiting and maybe you’ll make a friend.
  • If there are no more chairs available, give up your seat to an elderly person, pregnant woman, or those with disabilities.
  • Do not, I repeat, do not talk about another person’s body or your own. Even if you’re hot, cold, or recovering from some sort of illness. It’s just not the stuff good conversations are made of and will lead to even more awkwardness.
  • It’s better to comment on what a person is, rather than what they do. For instance, “Sally is such a creative person.” sounds more affirming than “Sally likes to draw.”
  • Figure out your talking points. Try brainstorming about things you are good at talking about before a party.
  • Inquiring minds want to know, but please don’t share others’ personal information that you know they wouldn’t want others to know about.
  • Also, don’t gossip. Just avoid saying negative things about others, even if you add, “and we should pray for this person.”
  • In my writer’s group, Word Weavers Int’l., I learned the “sandwich method” of critique. When saying something that could be upsetting to someone, but it still needs to be said, first say something positive, then the hard truth, and follow up with something encouraging. For example when in a conversation with someone who is gossiping try, “You seem like a caring person, but maybe we shouldn’t talk about Kayla’s boyfriend troubles. Hey, she’s sitting on a chair in the corner by herself. Let’s invite her to sit with us.”
  • Nobody likes to listen to a one-sided conversation. Keep the flow going by asking others about what is going on in their lives.
  • Learn the art of wrapping up a conversation. Steer what you are talking about to lighter subjects, like “Wow, this was a fun party.” Then end with something positive like, “It was so nice to meet you, Mrs./Mrs.            . I really enjoyed our conversation.”
  • When you need to leave, simply tell the host/hostess, “I do wish I could stay, but I really have to go.” No need to explain why.
  • Write a thank you card to your host/hostess. A simple message of thanks for a great party let’s them know that their hard work of hospitality paid off.

Whatever the occasion, applying common rules of interpersonal communication can lay the groundwork on which relationships are built. Doors may open in the way of making a new friends, growing in empathy, or a building connections for a future career. So let’s start those conversations with our teens about what it means to have social graces.

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Blog, Teen, Young Adult

10 Must Have Books for Teen Girls|Learning Essential Life Skills #Adulting

 

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Summer is almost here, but I don’t think we’ll be doing much relaxing. For my teen, there will be camps, volunteering at Vacation Bible School, extra art classes, and studying for a learner’s permit, with some Algebra thrown in for good measure.

Come to think of it, there’s only three summers left before she’s a full-fledged adult.

Do you ever feel like there’s not enough time to teach your teen everything they need to know to grow up? How can a parent ever instill all the tools needed to navigate life? Thankfully, there are plenty of books to help our teens on their way …

Here are ten helpful books that teach our teens the life skills they need to know:

1. Better Homes and Gardens New Cookbook, 16th edition.

When I was a teen, my mother bought me my first cookbook. Sure, nowadays a recipe can be looked up on allrecipes.com or foodnetwork.com, but it’s wise to have a kitchen-tested hardcover in your hands. This cookbook is in a three-ring binder, so your teen can can pop out her chosen recipes and get to work.

 

2. Teen Practical Life Skills Workbook by John J. Liptak.

This great little workbook gets your teen thinking about what it takes to grow up. Because “adulting” is now a verb.

3. Getting Ready to Drive: A How-to Guide by Eva Apelqvist.

Education is key in teaching our teens to be defensive drivers and here is one book that will set them on the course to knowing how to be safe behind the wheel.

 

4. Smile and Succeed for Teens by Kirt Manecke.

It helps to get tips on  how to succeed in the workplace. Before getting her first job, this book shares with teens how to give great customer service and the things she must do to become a top-notch employee.

5. So Long Insecurity Teen Edition by Beth Moore.

Do teen girls realize models in magazines are airbrushed and given hair extensions? Comparing themselves to these unrealistic images, teens wind up developing all sorts of insecurities. This inspirational book gives ways to find security in a world where it’s hard to come by.

6. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey.

From the “Highly Effective” series of books, written by Stephen R. Covey, now his son, Sean Covey, shares all the tried and true advice his father gave him that works! Teens can also apply what they’ve learned to be successful in the companion workbook.

7. The Executive Functioning Workbook: Help for Unprepared, Late, and Scattered Teens by Sharon A. Hansen MSE NBCT.

For teens who have trouble making a schedule, taking initiative, and thinking outside the box, this workbook gives a preliminary test to find out what areas to focus on and then gives exercises on the areas where help is needed.

8. Facing the Facts: The Truth About Sex and You by Stan and Brenna Jones.

When your teen is ready to know a more detailed explanation of how babies are made, here’s the “how” behind physically developing into an adult, and why it’s good to wait until we say, “I do.” To some, abstinence may seem like shooting for the moon in this day and age, but giving teens high standards will help them to know there are better choices than what media is telling them, and that they don’t have to give in to peer pressure.

9. The Care and Keeping of You 2: The Body Book for Older Girls.

A continuation of the first book in The Care and Keeping of You series produced by American Girl, this book picks up where Book 1 left off. The realistic cartoon-style details share what girls need to know about how their bodies work and what to do to take the best care of them.

10. The How-To Handbook: Shortcuts and Solutions for the Problems of Everyday Life by Martin Oliver and Alexandra Johnson.

In this purse-sized book of over 50 essential life skills, your teen will find tons of tips to learn how to be a fully functioning adult!

Next post, I’ll be sharing The Ultimate “Adulting” List, so stay tuned!!!

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